TwentyFive Ways To Annoy The Doctor
by RagamuffinSundrop
Summary: Exactly what the title suggests
1. Chapter 1

Ways To Annoy The Doctor

1.Take him to a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as Daleks

2.Send him love letters from the Master.

3.If it's Nine tell him his next regeneration is a pretty boy.

4.Strand him without his TARDIS on Barney's home planet(A.N.: Anything as annoying as Barney has to be an alien, really.)

5.Call him Theta Sigma

6.Call him a stupid ape

7.If you are talking to Four ask him how Chris De Burgh is doing and if he enjoyed playing the "Ferryman" in the Don't Pay The Ferryman video.

8.Tell Four his scarf clashes with everything.

9.Tell the Doctor you can name thirty species more intelligent than him.

10.Paint the TARDIS day glo pink(A.N.: This will also piss off the TARDIS. You have been warned.)

11.Spend every day for a month asking if you can call him Doctor Feelgood, Doctor Spock, Doctor Ruth, etc...

12.Make obscene phone calls to the TARDIS claiming to be a past companion who is having wicked sex dreams about the Doctor.

13.Spread the rumor that Mickey is the Doctor's illegitimate child.

14.Lock him in room with a Dalek who sings "Henry the Eighth" ceaselessly.

15.Send him Marvin the Paranoid Android claiming that you thought he would be a nice "special friend" for the TARDIS.

16.Start an I Love the Master fan club and make him president.

17.Force him to watch the first two seasons of "Cracker".

18.If it's Ten force him to watch "Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire" in a theatre full of children who hate Barty Crouch Jr.

19.Tell him you think Cricket is the stupidest sport ever invented.

20.Spray Paint The Doctor Loves Mickey On the side of the TARDIS.

21.Send the Queer Eye For The Straight Guy fab five to him to makeover his image and his ship.

22.Replace his underwear with boxers decorated with Jack's face or a Dalek.

23.Tell a Dalek the Doctor said its mother was a can opener.

24.Tell Ten you want One thousand dollars a week for the next ten years or you'll tell Rose what "really" happened with Reinette…wink, wink nudge nudge.

25.Tell him you're only traveling with him to get closer to K-9.


	2. Fifteen More Ways

Dedicated to :

The Duchess of Bellezza, Horsie Friend, The Living Scratching Post, Janiqua, Sonicthecat7, Kabbachan, Reefgirl, Marshmallows Rock, Cerdwyn3, Cute Gallifreyan, my brilliant and wonderful beta-goddess Neko, Who's not only a terrific beta but a great friend, the Ferryman Whisperer for the kiss and the defending of my tarnished honor, and making British Librarians so dammed hot, my muse George, my husband Jimmy (Happy Late Anniversary, sweeting), everyone who has read this and not left a review, everyone who has encouraged, guided, and/or threatened me to get these stories done(You know who you are)

and especially for two of FF's own Authors: _Mikkifavo_ and_ MontyPython203_. You ladies are legends. If it wasn't for the outstanding writing you both have done time and time again I would never have had the courage to post my first story

If you haven't read their work yet do yourselves a favor and go do so. Really go, I'll wait, the story will wait and I promise it will be worth it. (Waiting for a few minutes.. then a few more) See, I told you it worth it. Now on with the story.

The usual disclaimer applies: I don't own it, I make no money off of it. I write for fun.

At the moment I am heavily medicated so if this is too weird I'm sorry.

Ferryman Whisperer: Eight's just for you, luv.

More Ways To Annoy The Doctor: The Tenth Doctor

Call him a Martian, repeatedly.

Slap him

Show up in the middle of the TARDIS at one of the worst moments in his life and cop an attitude with him

Ask how he lost his friend

If you're Rose (and who wouldn't want to be) call him Mickey when you kiss him. (Again who wouldn't want to kiss him) or in other intimate situations.

Make fun of the blue suit.(Sorry but eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww)

Suggest that K-9 is the more intelligent of the pair

Tell him you were routing for the Krillitanes during School Reunion. (A.N.: Sorry, sorry, sorry evil I know but I just love Anthony Stewart Head so much.)

Call him Jack in an intimate situation.

Ask him if he's been in such a situation with Jack.

Threaten to bring back Donna.

Threaten to take his hair gel.

Give him a cat.

Get him pissed (if such a thing is possible) strip him, put him in a compromising position with one the 'sisters' from New New Earth take lots of pictures.

Call him a Martian again.


	3. Ways To Annoy The TARDIS

Ways To Annoy The TARDIS

Dedicated to My Jimmy, my muse George, and Monty.

1.Turn a corridor of the TARDIS into an ice skating rink with ice that goes directly from solid to gas and then explodes (_Real Genius_, anyone?)

2.Invite Fred and George Wesley on board for a few weeks

3.Tell the TARDIS that the Doctor sold her to Zaphod Beeblebrox to cover his poker debits

4.Redecorate the control room with orange and pink plaid wall paper

5.Invite a group of preschoolers to redecorate the TARDIS corridors using crayons and colored felt pens.

6.Call her _the Millennium Falcon_

7.Call her _the Enterprise_

8.Link her computer banks to H.A.L.

9.Ask if her grandmother was an X-Wing.

10.Give her Windows 95 as a gag gift or 98…

11.Turn one corridor into a permanent swamp.(Thank you J.K. Rowling)

12.Tell her the Doctor wants to trade her in for a flying car like one out of the _Jetsons_ cartoons.

13.Paint her bubblegum pink. one of those haunted places 'reality' shows and volunteer yourself and your family to spend the night in the haunted TARDIS.

15.Tape this list to her doors.


	4. Ways To Annoy Rose

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I've never owned them. I never will own them. I make no money off of this story.

Dedicated to all my readers, my partner in crime Jimmy, my muse George and everyone who has been inspiring me (Read threatening me) to make more lists, you know who you are.

Ways To Annoy Rose

Blow up her place of employment

Ask if she's made of plastic

Swan off.

Call her a stupid ape.

Be unrepentant about the fact that you are swanning off

Forget to tell her that her boyfriend is still alive

Qualify any compliments you give her with the ending 'For a human'.

Be cheeky.

Leave her.

Leave her because you love her.

Don't let her love you.

Throw a plastic arm at her.

Try to drag her down to the pub because you want to see the match

Be rude to her boyfriend.

Be rude to her mother.

Make life changing decisions for her.

Refuse to dance with her.

Confuse her with your personal story.

Take her to New Earth and forget to tell her about the disinfecting lifts

Harm her friends

Harm her mother

Go off with a historical figure and abandon Rose in the middle of space.

Refuse to tell her exactly why you'll never leave her.

Call her a 'beastie'

Send her away for her own good.

Don't ever tell her you love her.

Die

Alter time for her and then commit suicide in a manner of speaking.

Only kiss her in life or death situations or when possessed.

Make her pay for the chips.

Don't tell her about other companions.

Harass Mickey.

Stare at her arse.

Make fun of Jackie.

Tell her that the clothes she is wearing look like they came out of a bin bag.

Replace her.

Kill Jimmy Stone (A.N. Okay I know that would make her happy after she was nineteen but when she was younger I'm fairly sure it would have annoyed her.)


	5. Ways To Annoy Mickey

**Ways To Annoy Mickey**

Disclaimer: Say it with me now, "Don't Drop The Banana" seriously I don't own these characters and I make no profit from the writing of this story.

Dedicated to: My Jimmy, My muse the amazing George, and mostly to Horsie Friend for reading one of my older stories that I think is rubbish and leaving me a nice review.

Also dedicated to everyone who has been encouraging me to write more of these, everyone who reads but doesn't review and anyone who like me thinks that Christopher Eccleston would have made an incredible Voldermort in the HP movies.

Steal his girl.

Refuse his kind offer to take you to the pub and by you a drink because you need it because of trauma, and he wants to be there to watch a match.

Read his email.

Insult him by telling him the only way you're taking a beverage is if he actually wash the mug first.

Remind him that a tin dog is smarter than him.

Tell him repeatedly that you are in a car with him.

Tell him he screams like a girl.

Tell Jack that Mickey wants to learn to be 'flexible' and wants Jack to teach him.

Make him help you take care of your injured 'boyfriend who isn't actually your boyfriend' when he's unconscious.

Dump him for an alien.

Tell Jake he's horrible in bed (A.N.: Sorry just had to go there, forgive me.)

Allow your new boyfriend(who isn't your boyfriend) to abandon the two of you in favor of a French concubine.

Tell him you imagine him in pigtails and a dress

Call him Ricky, often.

Call him Mickey the Idiot.

Send Rose home and then take her away again.

Tell him to shut up when he greets you with 'kit off'. (A.N.: After learning what it meant I'm surprised Rose didn't slap him when he said it.)

Replace him with the Doctor in your life.

Harass him.

Ignore him when he suggests you run away from living plastic.

Be annoyed when he asks to join you on the TARDIS and then be hurt when he decides to leave.

Refuse his offer of a hotel room for the night when you find out he's dating someone else.

Make him help you get back to your new man.


	6. Ways To Annoy Jack

Disclaimer: I don't own DW, the characters or the story, I make no money off the writing of this story.

Ways To Annoy Jack

Sign him up for sexaholics anonymous.

Question his identity.

Ask about his pregnancy.

Ask him who has slept with more women him or Captain Kirk.

Ask him who has with more men him or Elizabeth Taylor.

Tell him that unlike him you got to sleep with Nine (A.N. :I can dream, can't I).

Force him to confront the real Captain Jack Harkness.

Make him leave the real Captain Jack Harkness.

Don't let him dance with your companion.

Call him Biggles.

Tell him that for him just saying hello is flirting.

If you work for him or with him mutiny.

Ask him where he hid his weapon when he' s standing in front of you totally nude. (A.N.: For the record if that happened I wouldn't be able to speak).

When you're on an alien planet with him and he asks you how to say 'I want to buy you a drink' in native tongue teach him the phrase that means 'I slept with your grandmother' instead.

When you come to a small village tell the village elder that Jack slept with his wife, his daughter, his son, his great aunt Bessie, his third cousin Melvin, his stepbrother Paul, etc. ectc. And he wants to know when he come back and do it again.

Abandon him.

Make him immortal and let him find out the hard way.

Kiss him and call him Doctor by mistake.


	7. Ways To Annoy Jackie Tyler

_**Ways To Annoy Jackie Tyler**_

Disclaimer: I don't own DW or the characters. I make no money off of these stories.

Dedication: To Jimmy, My muse George and The Ferry-man Whisperer

Tell her you've waited a long time to tell her to do as you say

Tell her nothing could happen when she flirts with you while she's in her dressing gown.

Take her daughter away for what you think has been twelve hours and find out when you bring her back it's been twelve months.

Refuse to answer her when she asks if her daughter is safe with you.

Ignore her when she tells you 'Don't you dare' over something.

Let her think you are sleeping with her daughter.

Let her think you've given her daughter a second hand name.

Refuse to rescue her daughter from another dimension because she isn't your daughter.

Tell her to be quiet.

Leave her a Christmas tree that attacks her.

Take her bed and her boyfriend's pajamas.

Take her daughter away.

Make her daughter become something that is no longer human.

Get rid of her ghost.


	8. Ways To Annoy A Dalek

Dedication: I can't find the name of the one who asked for this list but you know who you are and this is for you.

Ways To Annoy A Dalek

Ask why it sounds like a demented Speak 'n' Spell toy.

Compare it to a pepper pot.

Ask if it's choosing to wear the large metal shell is actually a case of galactic penis envy.

Lock it in a room with Nine.

Ask if you can borrow its plunger.

Ask if its mother was an octopus.

Call it a tin robot.

Tell it you are afraid of it.

Disobey it.

Shoot at it. (Bullets won't kill it. They will upset it.)

Destroy other Daleks.

Lock it up.

Ask if it's full of salt.

Refuse to acknowledge its superiority over you.

Give sarcastic answers when it announces your destruction.


	9. Ways To Annoy Nine

Ways To Annoy Nine

Kiss Rose.

Crash into Big Ben or the Thames.

Ask his girlfriend to dance with two weeks prior written notice.

Ask who he is.

Call Rose his girlfriend.

Keep talking after he tells you to shut it.

Call him a thing.

Force him to kiss you to save your life.

Argue with his tactics in Victorian England.

Fall in love with him.

Compare him to a stupid ape.

Flirt with him while he's trying to resonate concrete.

Ask him to dance.

Flirt with him when he comes to see your daughter.

Try to domesticate him.

Lock him in a room with a Dalek.

Assume he's never 'danced' before.

Slap him.

Throw a pig heart at him.

Try to poison him over dinner.

Harm Rose.

Save his life after he sends you away.

Make him think he's killed Rose.


End file.
